Dolphins go ape with newest acquisition
Yes, unfortunatly, I am a big-time Miami Dolphins fan. There might be a few detours along the way on the roadmap to defeat Bush.

Here's an article I picked up in the fictional Miami newspaper's sports section of my friend George's twisted imaginings:
( No! We're not desperate!)

In a move that has shocked the sports world, the Miami Dolphins have announced the signing of "Timmy," a 748 lb. silverback gorilla from the Bronx Zoo.

It is expected that Timmy will immediately upgrade an offensive line in sore need of impact players.

Reached by phone, the burly simian was ecstatic upon hearing the news. "This is truly the opportunity of a lifetime. The Dolphins are giving me a chance to leave this sh*t-filled cage and I don't plan on letting them down."

Timmy is also eager to dispel any fears among his new teammates. "I'm sure there will be an adjustment period, but that's normal in human/ape relationships. Once I pick the lice out of a few of their scalps, I'm confident they'll accept me as part of the team." He warns, however, that opponents can't expect the same civility. "Hey, if I need to disembowel some guy and leave his intestines on the field, I'm going to do it. Whatever it takes, man. And you can tell those referees to forget about throwing the damn flag...not if they value their lives."

Team officials were reluctant to say if reports of a mysterious scout named "T-Man" were instrumental in the signing, but General Manager Rick Spielman was blunt in his assessment of the gorilla. "Look, it's not like this is the first time we've ventured into the animal kingdom for a player. We've had a turkey at quarterback for the past four years. I'm confident Timmy is the missing link in the championship puzzle."